I wrote this status update in 2007.
"Today I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes, for the second day in a row.
The only way I could get through it was by watching E! News and Chelsea Lately while walking. After 15 minutes my thighs had rubbed together so long that there was chaffing involved. My husband said "Wow, you are walking 2 miles an hour, don't you want to go a little faster?" And I told him, well you better go get a fire extinguisher because my right now my thighs are equal to a boy scout with some flint and a stick. Then I told him to FUCK OFF."
Well, obviously I have advanced. I am pretty sure I have gained 30 pounds and I am still chaffing my thighs while trying to "jog" (and I do use that term loosely) on the treadmill. My husband still runs upwards of 3 miles a day and can eat a quadruple bypass cheeseburger with out gaining weight. I could cry and eat my feelings (lemon cake anyone?) but instead, I will talk myself down by listening to Wesley Willis. Fiesta Jesus, I am sorry that I got fat. I will slim down. Amen.